The original texts can be found through this link in the wayback machine:
https://web.archive.org/web/20030424144849/http://pub21.ezboard.com/bquon91516
The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.
As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and shit to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.
Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek ass dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such shit. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as shit never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”
The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my ass off.
Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass Shit Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, WTF? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.
The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the fuck knows?
Way more after the break :)
Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these assclowns did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his shitcan class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.
The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.
Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own ass with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No shit, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie ass toon right now, WTF were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these asshats.
The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then pfuck ‘em and their short bus pets.
Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40’s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the shit. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ass.
The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.
Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.
The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for shits and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.
Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my tits!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”
The problems start when they do that shit to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big ass shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and shit, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and shit until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your shit up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.
The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.
Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these mutherphuckers will sneak up on you like a yeasty queef in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and shit and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that shit, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s ass while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some shit The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.
Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 biatch. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.
The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.
The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and shit.
Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. WTF? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.
Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ass. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.
Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and shit. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and shit. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”
The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.
Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and shit…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and shit. The Quon says kill and she goes all bitchcakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a phucking dream and The Quon knows it.
The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the shit out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-FUCKING-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, biatch.”
The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this shit. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your ass and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak ass 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a phucking waste…”
Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that shit-ass nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the asshat behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and shit when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and shit.
Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.
And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the shit you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that shit. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun shit yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky biatches when it comes to cyber. Shit, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, biatches gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.
By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, shit, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse phuckers that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.
The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot biatch. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.
Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana
/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana
/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless
The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his ass off.
The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.
Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say shit. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a shitcan Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.
The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your ass off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.
Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and shit and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the shiznit and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that shit on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons ass and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.
And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that shit is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.
And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some shit. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.
The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to shit in the woods than get a heal from the MC.
Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these asshats all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and shit, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and shit while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your ass will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare ass to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.
And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.
And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.
The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.
The Quon out
Level 62 Cleric <Quon> Looking for guild !
I know I'll make a great contribution to your guild because I've been a great member of many other guilds. If those guilds weren't so irritating I would still be helping them.
I am not in school anymore so I have a lot of time to play EQ, around 8 to 10 hours a day is pretty normal for me. So, I'll be around to group with you anytime. Even more actually, because when I take a shower or eat, I let my little sister run my toon until I get back. So if she says anything dumb, or doesn't do what she is supposed to, don't blame me for it.. She is pretty good though, she can sit/stand, she knows how to cast spells and she usually doesn't run around, so she won't get lost.
I know tons about the game and am not shy about sharing the wealth, if you know what I mean. Even though I've never been an officer in any of the guilds i've been in, I like to think I was looked up to as a mentor even by people who were higher in levels then me! If you're not playing your class right, i'll be right there to tell you what you're doing wrong so that you can improve right away. It's kinda how I give back to the peeps I hunt with. Teach a man to fish and all that stuff. I'd hope they'd do the same for me if it were possible.
I've hunted in all the best spots Norrath has to offer. Oasis, Lake of Ill Omen, Overthere, Dreadlands, Maidens, etc., I've rocked them all. I've even ventured into a few dungeons like Karnor's Castle, Velks...crazy stuff.
Lately I've been blowing up in the Planes of Power. The Hedge in PoN is the bomb. Close to a zone out and everything. It gives you an idea of how I'm rolling that I can get all the way there from the GY to hunt there though eh?
I'm looking for a situation that will reward my leet skills, time, and knowledge. You know how every guild has an uber MA? He's the guy that gets first dibs on the pimp gear that drops so the guild can get better and stuff? Well I wanna be the MC (main Cleric). I wanna be the number 1 heal slinger in the guild's Cleric stable. To be the best though, I need a committment along the same lines as the MA deal. I want first call on the nice stuff that drops when we start bringing down the big mobs. This doesn't just apply to cleric wearable gear because if it's something for a Warrior I could sell it in the bazaar and use the pp's to buy something for me.
It only makes sense that the guild twink out the MC, without the Quon the group is nothing. So why wouldn't the guild give all it's resources over to help make sure they have the most uber healer in all of Norrath? duh!
There are a few other things that I would want this guild to do to show their respect for me. Not all at once you know, but within the first few weeks. I imagine it's hard to tell everyone in a big guild what to do and whatnot, so It's cool if it takes a little while for the whole guild to get into shape. I'll put a little checklist here for easy reference.
1) Tanks should NOT get ****** off when I am trying to get them into my "Purple Club". The Purple Club is where I try to take the MA's HitPoints so low that he actually goes unconscious and then is brought right back to life. I also sometimes refer to the Purple Club as "Layed Out" because that's what happens, the tank lays down and then stands right back up. It's friggin HARD to do, I have to time the Complete Heal just right. So, WTF is up with tanks getting PO'd at me. I usually can do it about once every 11 tries or so.
2) If you have a problem with me DO NOT take it to guild chat or to the guild officers. Otherwise, I have to spend all my time trying to explain what happened and that doesn't do anyone any good. Just forget it and get back to grinding.
3) I already mentioned that I should get first call on nice drops, I just want to put it in this list for consistency and to stress the importance of the request.
4) Sometimes I have to leave a group or raid unexpectedly. Like when my mom gets on my case or some @#%$ like that. I DO NOT have the time to find a replacement for myself. Don't expect me to. Like you'd tolerate a gimp replacement anyway.
5) Enchanters, please chill on the "HEAL ME" spam when you are grouped with me. Your armor class suxxors, if there is a multi pull i have to use my DA (or Divine Aura if you didn't know) so that I don't die. I CANNOT cast heal until DA wears off so please be patient. And if I'm late...rez inc thanks.
6) If any Dots drop when hunting, I automatically get them so that if someone wants a symbol I have the component. Otherwise, if you want a symbol please open up my trade window with the correct component for the symbol that you want.
7) In addition, I'd like to ML at all times. If at the end of the session, I have more than enough to cover my weeks worth of Dot's then i'll toss out a split.
If there is a guild bank, and there should be or I rescind my application, I would like to be in charge of it. But without the baggage of the title of "Treasurer" which really understates my true stature within any guild.
9) Monks PLEASE announce when you are FD, so that I don't waste my time trying to rez you. That is sooo frickin annoying. I mean really, how hard is it to type "I am FD, do not rez".
10) Rangers, don't even get me started. They should be like my sister...seen and not heard. Seriously, I'd rather spend the mana to rez you then to heal you. You are to melle what a Druid is to healers. No offense though, I'll need you around for tracking and foraging and stuff. When you die, just automatically consent the MA and we'll drag you to our camp spot. It's just easier that way.
11) Speaking of rez, please don't send personal tells to me for a rez. There's just no way that me wasting my time is worth saving a little bit of your time. If a guildie needs a rez, please just put it in guild chat and someone will get to you. Just because im in bazaar doesn't mean I'm not busy. And just ask my last two guilds if you don't believe this, but if you call me out in chat then it's on.
12) No, you have not grouped with me before. I paid that $50 to move to this server last month, so it's very unlikely that you grouped with me in so and so Zone unless you played on Solusek Ro. This is also the reason that my equip is not that sweet yet, and the guild should help me out with some twinkage.
13) If you need a buff from me, please say my name first in the request so that I notice it. Also please write out the name of the spell instead of just the acronymn. If I'm taking the time to open my spell book, mem the spell, find you with the mouse, and cast the buff, and then un-mem the spell, the least you could do is type out the whole name so that it will help me find it faster.
14) And if you're not sure whether your gimpy HP buff will overwrite mine after i've already dropped a bunch of Dots and half a bar of my mana to cast, then freaking ask! Even better, don't cast until you know your class AND mine. Druids and Shammys i'm looking in your direction here.
15) Speaking of Druids and Shammys. I don't call my heals. I shouldn't have to cause no one else should be trying to be the Cleric but the Quon. If you think i'm interrupting my CH cause some druid is busting off gimp 3k CH's? No way...i'll still drop the big heal bomb. And then we're both out of mana.
16) I think since I'm the one keeping the puller alive when they bring back a baddy that they should show respect to me with their pull Hot Key. Example, I pull this <Target> for our great Lord <Quon>", or "<Target> has insulted the great one <Quon>, lets KEEL it !!" And it would be cool if you could use it even if i'm not there. You know, just to spread the gospel and such. Helps with recruitment i bet.
17) Pally's please use your LoH everytime that it pops, it's called "saving the Quon's mana", remember it, do it, and respect it.
1 I'm still missing a lot of spells from level 58 to 62. The guild should really help me get as many as possible. Think about it, all of my spells help YOU, not me. If you want me to help you with the improved spells then YOU should be the one getting them for me. And I may not even use most of them...but i want them just the same.
19) I have a HOT key with my email addy on it. If the @#%$ hits the fan and I have to camp out to save my ***, I ALWAYS hit that hot key. When it's safe to come back, I expect someone in the group to let me know via email. If you don't then everyone in the group immediately becomes a new entry in my personal @#%$ list. I keep that @#%$ on excel and alphabetized, so don't even think you are getting in with a group with me again if your name is on that list. Why the **** do you think I moved servers? I was finding it near impossible to get a group without running into someone on my SL. If you think this is harsh, just think about me on the other side waiting for that email to come in so I can log back. Now that's HARSH!
We all know that most Clerics are the suck. Either they're Bots or some Druid who got pwnd when PoP came out cause he couldn't solo or find a group and PL'd himself a Cleric. MC's like me are hard to come by and that's the reason for the list. Believe me there are other guilds that have expressed interest and i really owe it to <Quon> to be find the best situation in which to drop my skills.
I know most of the guilds I'm working with have an extensive application process and I respect the **** out of that. It's a good thing cause it keeps the assclowns out. But we all know that there's a secret process for instant approvals that can be used for the right situation and i'm that situation. In the 3 weeks your guild ***** around "getting to know me", I'll already be rocking the high-end content with another guild. So work fast.
My main is a 62 cleric named "Quon". Cause that's what i want..."The Quon". I want the respect, I want the platinum, I want the excitement, and I want the Wood Elf Honies all on my tip. Yeah..."The Quon". Represent.
PS...Not necessary, but it would be sweet if the guild would float me some phat platz for a little loan, because I had to empty my bank account to pay that group to get through the PoJ trials.
The Quon and The Seven Newbs
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The Quon and the Seven Newbs
Don't ever let it be said that The Quon wont help a newbie. Shiat, everyone deserves a little Quon love now and then. So, The Quon decides to head over to Crushbone and give some mad buffs to a few random toons. Took the Nexus pad to Greater Fay and on arrival busted with /shout "The Quon has arrived, all Hail!" As you can imagine there were an assload of responses coming back. The Quon did get phat props from gobs of peeps but on the other hand The Quon's Shit List got 13 new entries.
Anyway, The Quon rolls past Kelethin takin screenshots of nekkid Wood Elf scooties on the way, up and over orc hill, past the firepots and zones into Crushbone. For giggles I give a little hammer tap on the Orc Centurion standing in the corner and it starts trying to hit me. With the Orc trying to pound on The Quon's back I run over to the castle where there are 7 newbs all sitting around medding or performing some type of cyber circle jerk. The Quon stands right smack in front of them and /say "This is what happens when you disrespect The Quon Yo" and I nuked that Orc down in one mothaphuckin shot. The Quon knows they were crazy impressed cause they were too friggin amazed to even type back a reply. The Quon stands there a little while to let that shit sink in. Moments pass and I'm all like /say "Kneel before The Quon and you shall feel The Quon's l33tness." The Quon waits for them to pay their due respect and shit. WTF? only 3 of these phucks /kneel?? They don't know who the hell they are messin with. Maybe they didn't hear The Quon because they were in mid jerk, so I repeat that shiat one more time. Holy piss, out of the blue one of these assclowns /says "We don't kneel for nobody bitch."
AWWWW SHIT!, there is going to be reverence paid to The Quon whether these petunia's want to or not. You can believe that yo.
/say "Last chance newbs, /kneel"
No response.
The Quon hits the Walk key, to be all dramatic and shit, and strolls into the castle. Walk right to the throne and start tapping orcs left and right yo. By the time The Quon has clinked all those Cents and Lego's it looks like The Quon has an overgrown, Ooompa Loompa, Conga line strung out behind his fine ass. I take that shit out to my new found playa hatas and snuggle The Quon all up nice and close, cast DA, and watch from overhead view as the Seven Newbs all take dirt naps at The Quon's feet. Once those phucks bit it, The Quon decided to take the parade global yo. Conga'd our way to Trainer Hill, the tents, and Slave camp. By the time The Quon zoned out of CB there were 27 fatalities and 16 mobs in the Death Dance Line. Seconds before zone out, these words were heard, /ooc "Don't EVER disrespect The Quon, a simple /kneel from 4 fucknuts would have prevented this horrible act of vengeance, remember that"
The Quon zones out and gates on back to the Nexus to /LFG. Wasn't but 4 minutes later that a GM sends a /tell "We understand that you trained a lot of people in the zone of Crushbone." /r "Ummm, hello, can't understand, you are breaking up." She's all like "Quon, you have not been observing the PNP (Play Nice Policy)." /r "Play with this scootie, they had it coming for not respecting The Quon." GM-"Training players is expressly forbidden in EQ." /r "I hear ya, wanna cyber?" GM-"You are dangerously close to account cancellation." /r "Is that a yes?" GM-"You sir, have been warned, do not make another mistake." /r "The Quon has mad cyber skills glazecake, let me perform some verbal stimuli on you sweet thing. Once you go Quon you'll find your panties on the lawn." Yeaaah. Interestingly enough the conversation ended here. That biatch is prolly looking up The Quon's email addy to send erotic photos and shit.
The Quon out
Cyber with The Quon
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So I'm medding in the Nexus and I'm weeding through the barrage of "group with me Quon" and "We need you for uber xp Quon" tells I always get as soon as I log in, when out of the blue I get a random /tell from some honie.
"FUCK you Quon".
I'm pretty sure I remember this scooties name so I check on my Shit List first to see if she has upset the Quon in the past. Nope. I check my other Excel list "Honies I want to Cyber with". It takes a hot second though cause it's a monster Excel joint, and I'm all about enabling macros and shit. Yep, she's there and I have her stats too, sweet little inky enchantress with perkies and maxed out DEX and AGI, you know what I'm sayin. A bit low on INT for a caster but Quon was only looking to "group" with her in the loosest sense of the word. (Don't forget to ask The Quon about the night he spent "2-boxing" some other time...bwahhhh)
Lady Marmalade is a little fast on the draw, all wanting to jump right into the final act before we can do a little pre-lovin. I try to slow the shiznit down by throwin back some sweet nothings to her. Cause the one thing my grandma told me that I'll always remember is "Quon, you gotta lick it before you stick it". So I'm all like.../r "Yo baby, I want it bad as you, I ain't never had no blue stuff, but daamn girl you shakin like J-Lo on crack. What you say me and you tangle our tongues before we do the nasty?" And I say it just like that cause the honies love it when The Quon comes at them all hard verbally and shit.
She responds with "OMG!", I can almost hear this chick moaning out The Quon's name as she's typing, like she was washing her hair in one of those cracked out shampoo commercials.
I'm all like screw it if she wants it that bad who am I to hold out on her. So I put it all on the table.../r "Come on over here Smurfette and rub your Orbs and you Infinite Void on me. Let the Quon show you how to get Shizzle with the Bizzle." Cause I know that will get her all hot and shit. I continue cause I don't want to lose the flow.../r "Sweet thing I got more moves than a Grandmaster Monkey, you and me were meant to do the Kunark Krotch Rock, awww yeeea we're gettin freaky now aren't we baby?" And I'm really into it so I stand up at my cpu and start gyrating my hips and I'm hollaring at the top of my lungs..."Feel It, Feel It!", until my moms screams up at me and I sit down and get back to it.
So this DE is all like "Welcome to my list!"
I'm all like, Sweeeet. Cause regular cyber kicks ass. So I tell her, /r "That's the stuff baby, you're on my list too. Write this shit down. I give her this laundry list of what Quon needs to have done for him to "DING" if you catch what i'm saying. And Quid Pro Quon like, I ask her to give me her list so I can help her with her "Alternate Advancement". (Yeeeahhh).
She doesn't respond, I figure she's got her hands too busy to reply. I fire off some more sexual healing for my new Inky Cyber Buddy.../r "You're crazy hot for The Quon ain't ya? You can't help that you dig tha flava. The Quon just summoned his Hammer of Divinity and it proc's like a muthaphucka. And just when you can't take anymore, I'll toss my 'lil Hammer Pet around the back way on ya. Free your mind and your ass will follow."
This chick has got to be steamin hot by now, and I'm rubbing my Thumb over Firiona Vie's plastic boobies trying not to spill my SoW Potion too fast, it's time to take this shiaat to the next level.../r "Let's stop with this lame ass typin shit, fire off your digits to me, and send me your pic via email to TheQuon2003@yahoo.com, I'll talk at ya. Yo"
When she sends the pic I'll post it, she'll be whack ass embarrassed but at least I got mine.
Quon out
How to get OFF of The Quon's @#%$ List
I'm all about fairness.
If you think you got onto my SL unfairly it's cool.
Here's what ya gotta do.
1) Send me a /tell in game or send me an email
2) I will give you some lyrics to one of my favorite tunes from one of my favorite groups, i.e. Korn, Eminem (Don't expect any Creed tunes, fork that noise)
3) If you guess the name of the song, I will highlight your name in yellow on my Excel spreadsheet
4) Yellow means that I will give you another chance to group with me
5) But if you screw up again Yo, you're name gets highlighted in Stoplight red
6) Once red, don't even think about trying to get off my SL, that shiznit is permanent
Quon
Roleplayers should shampoo The Quons crotch...
Roleplayers. The Quon doesn't get it. The Quon doesn't want to. And let's be real. The Quon doesn't have to and neither do you.
The Quon has had to endure a certain level of contact with Roleplayers over the levels. He see's it as a necessary evil. Along the way to god-hood, a little give and take is sometimes required to keep the wheels of xp greased. We've all had run-ins with that punk ass Druid who won't kill animals no matter how sweet the xp. Or that fucktard who won't kill his own race. Weak. At first The Quon tried to educate these dingleberries about the whackness inherent in their logic. "Dude, this Orc hasn't ever seen your lands, he don't know you ruined them and besides that, fuck him". But eventually The Quon put his blinders on and went about the business of level lapping these self-handicapped freaks 10 times over. Cause that's how you can identify "most" of the roleplayers, they're level 35...for-fucking-ever. They've got 8 character, all level 15 to 35. The Quon wants to know the point.
But now that he's the MC The Quon won't tolerate these assclowns.
So when The Quon found himself in PoJ cell group last night with an MA who obviously juggled turds as a side job at the Renaissance Fair, he knew it was on. Everything was going just fine for the most part. Respects had been paid, rules were being observed and shit. We were chugging through the xp at a decent pace.
The tank comes back empty handed on a pull and I'm all like "WTF?". And the rest of the group's looking at The Quon just waiting to back his play. The tank says, "Nothing down there to pull. Just humanoids". And The Quon is all like, "You better pull that shit! The Quon needs RUN3 tonight so he can leave all the newbs behind and hit PoV." And the Shammy's all like "Newbs?", like he was offended or something. The Quon squashed that shit with a quickness though, "You heard me mothaphucka...do something." And he was all quiet after that. Respect.
So get this, the tank actually stops looking for mobs and comes back to the camp, stands in front of me and starts teaching like he's a professor or something. "I'm a Humanoid, we're all humanoids. It would be a slap in the face of our gods to kill others like us. There's plenty of other mobs here to chose from without offending our dieties."
After a minute to stop giggling, cause The Quon SO knows what the future holds, The Quon says, "You don't do certain things you don't want to do, then blame it on the will of your god and everything's cool? Nice deal. Good to know." And this guy seems all pleased and shit like he blew The Quon's mind or something.
So we continue on for a bit and all seems forgotten.
On the next pull, The Quon watches as this door-knobs health went down faster than a Wood Elf Honie looking for a Rez in The Quons pocket. ("It's down there baby...keep looking"). I enjoy this because I knows what's coming. "HEAL". The Quon, of course, does not. What I do though is call out "The Big Heal Bomb is Inc on Warrior. But I never cast that shit. Instead The Quon loads gate and once I'm sure the Warrior is gonna take a dirt nap I say "I think you're a fuck-wit. I don't wanna heal you and Tunare says she's with me on it. Roleplayers should shampoo my crotch. Peace out".
And I'm gone.
Now who's the teacher mothaphucka.
A new rule - Have Quon's back
A new rule - Have Quon's back
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So last night I head to the Bazaar to get a KEI just in case I get stuck in a charity group with a gimp Chanter who doesn't have it. Seriously, do Chanters feel like they're actually playing this game from levels 1- 59? I mean, mez is cool and all as a novelty, but who ever uses it? If you're hunting someplace where you can't single pull then c'mon, you just want to die. You full on get off on CR's. Freaks. If you can't get to a single pull camp spot then it's amazing you have the sense to re-equip your own gear when you die. Everyone acts like the life of a Chanter is all full-on glamour but it's all about speed and crack, don't think you're any better than Pablo Escobar. The Quon just doesn't get it.
The tell comes for a PoN group under acceptable circumstance and after I do the name checks I'm tight. The 60pp comes across for Aego and I'm feeling charitable so I toss it out to the blubbering "thank yous" of the group. So i'm medding and while I med I like to let my group members in on some of my latest exploits. It's kind of like shit talking in reverse. See, The Quon likes to psyche out his group members thus pounding them into a more pliable state in which to execute the will of The Quon. So I start dropping links and spinning tales and I happen to throw out a link for my sweet sweet Silver Hammer Earring. Now the Quon paid to get through the PoJ trial mainly to get this earring, make no mistake, the PoV/PoS flag was just gravy. Quon won't step foot into PoV or PoS until he has firmly gotten RUN3. Cause when stuff hits that hard, folks are gonna die. It's just a fact, MC or not. And Divine Aura will only get me so far. This is how I see it; if I can run to the GY quicker than it takes my body to pop there...then i'm off like I robbed your house. And unless there's Druid or Wiz with us, you all need to be WATCHING me for run calls. I can't type and run at the same time. WATCH ME. I can't stress this enough. That's how I can tell my group is ready for anything. I'm facing the zone-out and everyone else except the puller is facing ME. Let one of the useless classes call run after I head off. Mages/Necros, are your ears burning?
So back to the shit talking. This Druid is all up in my grill about the earring and asking me this and that and how much I paid to get the earring and I tell him the truth, 5k. I screwed those guys hard too, cause The Quon woulda paid 7k. So this Ranger does this little "omg" thing and starts in on me about how messed up this game is and how The Quon got hosed anyway cause he saw the Earring in the Bazaar for 3.5k just yesterday. That's just some rude shit. So I'm all like "/ooc Group looking for quiet Ranger. Will drag corpse here for rez..." Which seemed to please the Ranger cause he starts going "woo hoo" and "I wanted to be with my guild anyway". Poor poor deluded treehugging surrender-monkey, he didn't understand the next step included the excel SL and I was pretty pumped cause his name started with an "A" so he was gonna be near the top cause it's alphabetized. When I sent him a tell letting him know, he didn't seem so happy about it then. Which was The Quons whole point.
So this Ranger disbands and starts telling smack to the whole zone in ooc, which is cool with me because it spreads the word of The Quon and let's everybody know how I'm living. So I'm pretty calm about this cause i've already got a Ranger on the hook who just so happens to have a fresh corpse at the docks anyway. Perfect. But this asshat crosses the line..."I really want to beat this guys ass, irl". I was mad enough until the Druid tells me what "irl" means, which I kinda figured cause Rangers are pretty much at the top of my "Do not duel out of pity" list and I'd get more of a challenge farming Evil Eye Bags in LGuk. The Quon lets this guy, and the rest of the zone, know that he's a Black Belt and shit and if he wants to come to up-state NY then it's on like Grey Poupon. I'll let him know that The Quon would beat his ass so hard he could write it off on his taxes. And all The Quon heard was crickets and the sound of Wood Elf honie Tunics across the zone straining to hold it all in.
So I'm a little pissed cause my group wasn't responding at all to what The Quon was laying down. No cries of "PWND" or "AWWW SNAP!". No back-up in group either. Just a shitload of nothing. So i'm all like "You better Recognize!" and they start hemming and hawing and that's enough for The Quon. I get every name and load gate and I'm out with a wave and a "Peace, dookie tasters".
And a new rule is born.
- Have your MC's back. If we're grouped, you fight for The Quon. Do that and you'd be amazed at the shit I'll do for you in time. I don't care if I'm giving one of your guildies a pants down spanking in front of the whole zone. Show support. Not just by staying grouped, The Quon wants to hear that shit. Give Quon his propers. Respect. Have my back.
Zaldrania - The Quon responds
Main Cleric,
I'm a hottie high elf cleric who just got this hammer o' smackdown. I am just curious how I should use this, I have some ideas which I have tried out, some responses have been negative but most have been very favorable. In the same vein chanters always seem to get upset when I ask for haste, what is that all about? I don't get upset when they ask me for a rez.
Anyway, I seek your advice since you are the absolute authority on what it means to be a cleric.
Much Love,
Zaldrania
Dear Zaldrania,
Listen and listen close... Chanters aren't worth the kleenex they are draped in... I'm surprised that you would even ask for their input. Also, I'm phaat disappointed in you that you didn't just grab a KEI from that finger twiddler and grab a rogue. Even so, did you ask yourself WWQD? Cause that answer is straight up right in your face.. Next time a chanter is in your group that gives you slack, you should be all like "Refresh my KEI please." "Are all the melee hasted?" "Cool thanks.".... /disband enchanter...../ooc "looking for DPS"..
Quon out
Yiara - The Quon Responds
Healing the paladin? Needing lessons from The Quon
Well I duo alot with this paladin. Frankly I am looking for the rules about healing paladins - I read your masterful take on the paladin class and they do tend to get a bit anxious with those "hands" but I didnt see you state which heal you use on them. Should I do more of a celestial thing and let him lay those hands on himself?
Why should I have to heal his butt if he can heal it himself? He should be out there pulling and killing mobs while I sit back and do my nails and chat and dream about The Quon right? What do you think? Should I watch the pally closer or allow him to enjoy the purple club on a regular basis?
Sincerely,
Yiara
Yiara,
The Quon was all vague and shit with his Paladin Healing breakdown for a reason. He was hoping some fine, fine, curious female lower case C would seek him out personally for a "lesson". And all admire and respect the big brain on The Quon cause here you are with your wind-blown and reclinin' ass. mmmmm.
Girl, on the real? These non-The Quon mothaphuckas need to be stepping up to make sure you're not worrying about a damn thing. That Pally should be all like, "You wanna heal me? Sweet. You'd rather just rez me later? That's cool too. I just wanna be around you and shit."
You've gotta ask yourself every night..."What Would The Quon Do?" If The Quon needed xp he'd probably start The Big Heal Bomb on those holy phucks around 30%-35% for maximum purple club opportunity and pepper some Celestials around when mana was kickin'. But if The Quon was out to teach a lesson, then it's a whole 'nother thing entirely. The Quon will duck out of The Big Heal Bomb and claim it was a fizzle to keep the Pally on his toes. The Quon will even call out 20% mana when he's really riding phat at 80%. Let one of those other pseudo healers earn their xp. Motivation you dig? And like you mentioned, most Pally's are just dying for a good reason to play pocket pool anyway. You'd be doing them a solid.
Now where's my picture biatch?
The Quon
Fairto Middlin, The Quon Plane - The Quon responds
I had a revelation last night. An entire plane devoted to The Quon... (with his supreme MC'ship as deity of course.) Why should the master of the big bomb waste his immense talents (and patience) hacking it up with lesser talents? Think of it...
In The Quonplane, dead characters would be truly "Naked"...at least the good-looking female races...please just the good-looking races...
In the Quonplane would drop The Quonsword (by supreme consent of the Master) which would be charisma +200 causing mobs to simply hand you their money and fall over dead...and proccing "The Quon effect" which summons any drink but Zima...
In The Quonplane, the only music that you could get on MP3 would be Eminem, or Korn, or anything that doesn't suck...improper mp3 choices would of course aggro the whole zone, and anything by a pop band causes a bolt from the blue to strike you down for 30000 unrezz-able damage.
There would of course be an admission charge, rather than a key, to enter this Utopia...and an additional donation...wait, let's call it an "offering"...could gain you the chance at an audience with The Quon. There would of course be no guarantees, his exaltedness of course being far too busy a God to just hang around being worshipped...but you'd have a CHANCE to bask in his presence...(and perhaps perform some small service, if you qualify.)
A world of endless opportunity if ever there was one...someone needs to get Sony on this...
The only problem would be what to do with the other 234 empty zones...suppose we could store the beer there.
Fairto Middlin (that's what my wife says, anyway)
Repost when you have included the following Yo.
Renting prostitutes, purchasing 40's, insta finger stink removal spells, monitors repeating "Girls Gone Wild Videos", insta death newb traps, snot rocket spitoons, perma graphiti walls where peeps can script their love for The Quon, Bling Bling Vending Machines that also dispense glue in paper bags, Soap on a rope (in case a Pally is near by), sack sweat collection vials for druids, cause they have very little to do while waiting for evac to be called, and insta V.D. for those that refuse to Represent The Quon.
The Quon
Berrew - The Quon Responds
Help for a fellow Cleric
I am in a pretty good guild - only one problem. We recently had a guildmate NEC post some shizzat about their - woo-hoo - 93% rez. Like anyone wouldn't rather get a 90% rez from a *real* healer than from some corpselover. WHat should I do?
Berrew,
You better tell that gimp azz healer to back his shit down until he has memorized The Quon's Commandments. If this 'little c' refuses, you let the Quon know, I got your back.
I'll slip into the shadows like a motherphuckin ghost and when that asshat walks by The Quon will summon a hammer and pound his head like a 10 penny nail Yo. That biatch will feel like a Ten dollar hooker that just got pwned by twenty dudes with fifty cents each.
Next thing you know, he'll be following you around asking for permission to mem a spell and shit.
As for your guild, they best recognize that a lousy 3% of exp is a great price to pay to be rezzed by a minion of The Quon.
The Quon
REPRESENT
Krys 60 Cleric - The Quon responds
Re: Quon
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/kneel Quon
I love your religion! The Tao of Quonese I like to think of it. I was going to ask for the newsletter, but the message board is much more convenient for your loyal subjects.
The people who can't handle the code don't belong anyway. I try to follow the code, but I am a failure in many respects:
1) I don't insist on all the loot drops, but I do squeal with delight pretty good when a peridot drops. So I am learning.
2) I try to admit as many people as I can into the Purple Club. Fighting as much as I am in Planes of Power it is difficult to say the least. I don't say that to garner favors, and I make no apologies for my lack of ability. Last night the group enchanter was almost admitted to the club, but that 10hp window is a bit small. Will keep working on it. Pre PoP content, no problem - almost all of my group members have gone purple at some point.
3) I have difficulty telling people how to play their class, even if I do know how to play it better than they do. I need to lose the chip on my shoulder and just own up to the fact that I am the smartest person in the group. Other people should bow to my greatness. I am purple all the time - so that is a big indicator there.
4) Shamen focus and druid buffs drive me nuts! Why do they even have them? I mean they can overwrite my clearly superior buffs - when I dain to lay them out - so they shouldn't even waste keystrokes asking if they can cast em. I am purple remember, can't miss me, so don't even try to cast them. And for Quon's sake!, click off your buffs if you see me casting a buff. It's pretty easy to tell. Just always look at me and if you see the gold/green/blue streams shooting out of my capable hands, CLICK THAT BUFF OFF NOW!
5) Warriors should always /shield me whenever they have the chance! Sometimes I even get close to the warrior just to get some of that luvin. So if you see me sidle up close to you, hit that shield key.
I read through the other rules of Quon and will start to incorporate those into my daily play. Keep on preaching brother. I need all the help I can get!
-Krys
60 Cleric
Dear Krys,
Don't consider yourself a failure, you can't expect to live up to The Quon. Striving to be like The Quon is your goal. Let me help you out and shit.
1) Squeeling is weak, don't ever do that shiat again. If those motherphuckers don't hand over the dot as soon as they loot it you should /ooc "Quonabee looking for group that doesn't have a greedy phuck ninja looting the MC's dots."
2) Practice, practice, practice. One small point, don't heal chanters. Read "Quon on the classes - part 1".
3) WTF? you do realize the group lives and dies by you right? It's your duty to tell those numbfucks what to do. It's best if you establish your reign on the group straight up. As soon as you enter group, establish command yo. Tell those newbs that you aren't moving until you see assist hot keys with your name and The Quons name represented.
4) Seems like you got this one covered yo.
5) Careful here glazecakes. There are warriors out there who aren't strong enough to break wind. Saddle yourself up against the brutes, relentlessly berate the inferior.
The Quon
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